Anyway. Another week down, and many more to go. :) At this point in my life/mission, my life IS my mission. I eat, sleep and breathe missionary work. The "light at the end of the tunnel" is still REALLY far down the road... So I've resolved to stop thinking about it, and enjoy the "spelunking". :)
As I was scrubbing my blue toilet this morning (it's baby blue mind you, along with all the tile and the sink. It reminds me of an American bathroom from the 80's, minus the HOT, RUNNING water haha), I was thinking to myself... "what should I write to my beloved familiares hoy?" (sometimes my thoughts turn into spanglish... ha. That was a direct quote). To be honest, I love going through my journal and updating you all on every little thing that goes on in my life (besides the sketchy stuff that would scare my mom, of course) but this last transfer has been full of lots of little learning experiences that all kinda lumped into one life-lesson. Funny how God tells us He's gonna teach us "line upon line, precept on precept" and all that, and then when He actually teaches me that way, I'm always surprised. haha. Never-the-less, after 6 weeks of lines and lines and lines and precepts, I think it's finally clicked. So my email this week will be more about what I've learned this transfer, and not about what I did.
Well, as the subject line reads, my lines and precepts were mainly directed towards the principle of Agency. The Guide to the Scriptures defines Agency as "the ability and privilege God gives people to choose and to act for themselves." I thought that I understood the principle of Agency pretty well before the mission, and exceptionally well before the last 6 weeks of my mission. So, as He tends to do, God saw the pride in my heart and put me in my place. :) He sent me to Barahona, as a Zone Leader, to be companions with Elder Mendoza, "la Maquina." I haven't mentioned it before, but for the sake of the story I should let you all know; Elder Mendoza and I were in the same district in Ocoa back during Christmas time and we DID NOT get along. Ha. Obviously we were cordial, and respectful as all missionaries are, but we had a lot of differences. I didn't agree with his style of leadership, and/or his teaching. He was really ridged, and ruled by fear instead of love. At that point in my mission, I was still trying to differentiate my will, and the Lord's will. I looked at my robotic District Leader (Elder Mendoza), and told myself that if the Lord's will was for me to be ridged and emotionless, and just follow orders... I'd rather just skip out on that part of the Gospel. Or perhaps the Gospel as a whole. Anyway. Shortly thereafter, Elder Mendoza and I parted ways, and I figured I'd never have to fight that battle again.
Then... About 7 weeks ago, I prayed and told the Lord that I was willing to go wherever He wanted me to go, and work my tail off without complaint. And... He sent me to the front lines of the robotic battle field, as the companion of my mission rival, Elder Mendoza. I got that transfer call, and immediately went and said a prayer. I told Him "all right, I promised to do Thy will, but now you're gonna have to help me survive this..." (yeah... I said "you're" in my prayer... lol. I still haven't quite figured out how to conjugate "you are" into the Thee, Thy and Thou form. But hey, nobody's perfect!). I promised I'd go into the companionship with lots of energy, and love, and that I'd do my best to avoid contention. And to tell you the truth, we haven't argued once. But we really haven't connected either. I've been worrying so much about our differences, that I've overlooked the similarities. Through our time together I've come to realize that yes, we are different. We probably won't ever see eye to eye on the way we understand and live the Gospel, but we are both here, and we're both serving the Lord with the same purpose. He's not perfect, and neither am I. So instead of focusing on the differences, I've resolved to find the similarities, and to build a companionship in which we can talk freely and edify one another as we should. :) And I know that's what our Heavenly Father wants because it feels right, and because we got transfer calls last night and Elder Mendoza and I are staying together as companions!! :) It worked out. :)
Anyway. As I mentioned before, my Agency lesson was a compilation of multiple experiences...
My whole life has been somewhat of an internal battle. I assume all of our lives have been. As Latter Day Saints we believe that we were sent to this earth to be tested, and the test is whether we're going to do the Father's will, or just do our own thing. 2 Nephi 2:27 teaches, "Wherefore, men are free according to the flesh; and all things are given them which are expedient unto man. And they are free to choose liberty and eternal life, through the great Mediator of all men, or to choose captivity and death, according to the captivity and power of the devil; for he seeketh that all men might be miserable like unto himself." That's simple enough, right? Just do the Lord's will and be free and happy forever! Wow! This life test thing is gonna be a cinch! Right..? WRONG! What they forget to mention in primary and seminary (or maybe I just sluffed with Kenna Barron that day... hmmm. lol. either way, I missed the memo) is that "the Lord's will" is mixed in with not only YOUR will, but the will of 4655745688544 other people AND that of a third of the Hosts of Heaven.
In the mission, far far away from happy valley, the will of all those other people is quite a bit stronger. And even within the mission itself there are various wills, going in lots of different directions. So, to say the least, I've been confused. Following the will of other people is exhausting, and quite honestly, it's impossible. You can't please everyone. This life is between you and God. Everyone/thing else around is strategically placed to support you or to tempt you. Even your own physical body.
Mosiah 3:19 reads, "For the natural man is an enemy to God, and has been from the fall of Adam, and will be, forever and ever..." So... We've been sent to this earth to pass a test that even our own body is setting us up to fail. That sounds pretty hopeless... But King Benjamin soothes my troubled soul as he continues, "unless he yields to the enticings of the Holy Spirit, and putteth off the natural man and becometh a saint through the atonement of Christ the Lord, and becometh as a child, submissive, meek, humble, patient, full of love, willing to submit to all things which the Lord seeth fit to inflict upon him, even as a child doth submit to his father." All right. So now I understand that I just need to be humble and get converted. Simple right..? ha. Again the answer is no. If it were easy, it wouldn't be worth it. Conversion is a process, it's something that needs to take place on a daily basis. Harold B. Lee said, "Testimony isn't something you have today, and you are going to have always. A testimony is fragile. It is as hard to hold as a moonbeam. It is something you have to recapture every day of your life." Conversion is something I've come to see as listening the spirit inside of you. We all came to this earth because of our decision to follow Jesus Christ in the pre-earth life. We fought with all our might for our agency, and for the chance to come to this earth. We were all born with a spirit that chose the right, therefore we are all innately Good. We just have to decide if we're gonna listen to our spirit, or if we're gonna listen to our physical body and the enticings of the World.
Elder Shayne M. Bowen wrote an article for the Liahona in which he shared the following:
There is a story told of an old Cherokee teaching his grandson about life. “A fight is going on inside me,” he said to the boy.
“It is a terrible fight, and it is between two wolves. One is evil: he is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.”
He continued, “The other is good: he is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith. The same fight is going on inside you—and inside every other person too.”
The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather, “Which wolf will win?”
The old Cherokee simply replied, “The one you feed.”
Well, our physical body must be fed on a daily basis in order to survive, also, we must sleep and drink water, exercise and study to keep our body/mind healthy and strong. But when that body or mind is stronger that our spirit, our spirit tends to get drowned out by the temptations, and the doubts. So we've gotta strengthen our spirit as well. That's what they teach us in primary and seminary; do the things that strengthen our spirits. Our spirit wants to follow the Lord. Our body doesn't. It's an innate battle. Yin and Yang and all that. But because of the divine gift of Agency, we are the ones that get to choose whether or not we follow our spirit and the Spirit of the Lord. It all depends on who we feed.
All right, lump number three on the Agency experience heap:
This last week we had an intercambio with the Ayudantes (the AP's out here in the south), and while we were together Elder Robinson shared his conversion story with me.
He was born Mormon, but by age 12 he got into some stuff that he shouldn't have, and turned away from the church. He got in with all the wrong friends, and ended up going full fledged against the Father's will. As a youth he succeeded in pulling away all but 2 of the young men in his ward, and caused a lot of problems for his parents and his leaders. He thought he had found happiness, and that all those Mormons were missing out on the fun he was having. By age 16 he was out of his house and living with his girlfriend, they partied and participated in anything and everything they wanted to. They were completely free. Or so they thought... As their relationship progressed they decided that marriage was the next step for them, and started planning a wedding. They made all the purchases, on credit, and moved forward with wedding bells ringing in their ears. To make the story short, because of some simple differences and some miscommunication, it all fell apart. He was devastated, and sitting on the floor of a well in the place they call "rock bottom." He was wrapped up in all kinds of sin and debt, and from where he was sitting, there was no way out. Well, seeing that he's now the President's Assistant of the Santo Domingo West mission, we all know that he made some good choices, and climbed his way out of that hole. It was a long road with lots of personal, spiritual experiences along the way. It took him two years, but he did it. And if you ask him about his previous choices now, he'll tell you "it wasn't worth it."
Yeah, the night life is fun for a while, but it's something that doesn't bring lasting happiness. Physical pleasures are instant and potent, but they can't last; and we're always left wanting more. On the other hand, Spiritual happiness is eternal.
Final experience, and then I promise I'll wrap this bad boy up:
I was reading the other day in Mormon 9, and verse 31 hit me right where it hurts. It reads, "Condemn me not because of mine imperfection, neither my father, because of his imperfection, neither them who have written before him; but rather give thanks unto God that he hath made manifest unto you our imperfections, that ye may learn to be more wise than we have been." Basically, it's a scripture of all my experiences wrapped into one. I shouldn't condemn my companion for his imperfections, I should love him, and learn from him. Also, I should thank God for His help in seeing the imperfections in others, and in myself, and then use my agency to apply those lessons in my life. God put us all here on earth to learn from one another, and He's provided leaders, family, companions, and the scriptures as sources of life/spiritual experience, to help us through this earthly existence "that we may learn to be more wise than they have been."
In closing, I'd just like to let you all know that I know that God lives. He loves us, and He wants us to succeed. We've all been placed here on earth and given a personalized "test." NO ONE gets the same problems, we can't cheat, we've just got to do it. God has provided a Savior that can erase any and all mistakes, so that at the end, we can hand in a "perfect A."
I'm grateful for each and every one of you in my life. I know I was sent to my family and crossed paths with my friends and loved ones because God knew they were EXACTLY the people I needed to help me though it all.
I love you all, and I love being a missionary.
Love,
Elder Cade Mooney
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| Me and my 17 month mark brownies from Elder Meroño. 9/4/2013 |
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| Our District. Last day together. (Elder Kerr the other white one is getting transferred) 9/8/2013 |
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| Eskarlet with a giant toad she caught. ha. 9/8/2013 |
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